The Journey To Me...

This year, I vowed to talk a little less, pray a lot more and to let my pen document the change as a result. I guess you can say, this is installment # 1.

Truth requires change. No one can know it and remain what they were prior to its revelation. I must say, I am definitely a recipient of this knowledge and am the better because of it. I made a hard decision in January to say good-bye to a life that evolved itself into a hellish existence that numbed and hardened by soul and my emotions. It made me unaware of my truest form and even deny my greatest potential to become. I think I cried in 2008 a good 3/4 of the year and it was because of this acceptance of what was and my refusal to acknowledege what could be. I was choosing to be a caged bird and the door to freedom was wide-open to me. I couldn't see myself existing outside of the enclosed space of death and vileness; it had become my home and the very place of my heart's desire. I was poisoned against freedom and though I had been delivered unto it's vastness and wide course, I somehow could only go so far before I found myself walking back through the door to my prison home...the place where my heart was. Easily seduced by loneliness, I could never embrace freedom because I had no room to hold it. I was holding onto that which could have carried me straight to hell. My emotions, my desires, my lusts, my passions, my insecurites, my sin...straight to hell...

Something happened on January 2, 2009. January 1 was jacked up and I couldn't have jacked it up much worst than I did if I had planned it myself. I hadn't planned to fall, but I did and at the most critical moment....one foot out the door of bondage and the other foot on its way out...this could have easily set the course for a horrible 2009...thankfully, God didn't kill me...and thankfully, God didn't destroy the purpose of 2009 in the moment...His plan superceded my failure. On January 2, 2009 I embarked on a 21 day consecration that absolutely filtered and shook my life. It was almost as if I stopped flocking with geese and gained the courage, stamina and strength of an eagle. I decided to fly above what had held me hostage and bonded with others who were also bonded to sin. I decided to be an expression of freedom that I don't think I've ever imagined I could express. I made a choice to choose life and blessings. I chose to obey. I chose to let God lead me on further into freedom's way farther than I've ever been. He made it so that I only breathed His name and anything else that wished to seep into my lungs were instantly rejected. My atmosphere make up had changed and I became equipped to reject the formula of air of my previous 27 years...I evolved in 21 days. I now began to breathe new air....breathing freedom and truth was new to me...at first it suffocated me but only because it couldn't exist where bondage and lies were festering and darkening my lungs, killing me... God gave me new life. He cut out the lungs and the heart of a defeated soul and gave me new EVERYTHING....and the journey to me couldn't be better...

You know since I've completed the 21 days of soul searching, I've been called selfish and have been told that I don't know what I want. I've been told that I'm not allowed to change so suddenly...that I must take it slow and change within the process of regression...I don't think I have time for that. I'm just going to fully embark on this journey to me...that's the procress of progression...not that I've suddenly changed...I've just gotten off one road and decided to take a new more progessive route...the road to self-awareness not selfishness...the journey to me...